As many of you know, we co-sleep with our daughter. Her crib is right by our bed with the gate down. I nurse on cue at night and we often find ourselves falling asleep next to one another for awhile before she gets put back in her bed. I like the convenience of the situation. She wakes twice at night to nurse and recently, with her teething, it has been helpful for me to be able to comfort her before she completely wakes up so we don't have nighttime drama. DH rarely wakes up because of my night time ministrations, but this morning he announced that he thinks its time we move the Birdie into her own room.
dun, dun, duuuuuun.
DH thinks that having the baby in our room is ruining our sex life. (Isn't that what the dads always think?) In some measure it is. I'm not comfortable doing certain things in front of the Birdie. DH thinks that she's too little to be traumatized but I just can't get on board with that. We used to have a pretty . . . colorful . . . sex life but since having a baby, that has been put on the shelf for a more vanilla and G-rated relationship. I like to call it hardcore snuggling, he calls it not getting any. Of course we're creative with naptime and there are other places in the house besides the bedroom, but he's missing what we used to have. In some measure I am too.
So what are we going to do?
On one hand, I'm sure Birdie would do fine in her own room. She's a pretty secure little girl. She goes to sleep easily in her own crib. I don't think it would take much to make the transition. We would just move the crib. On the other hand, I don't know if I'm ready. I love our nighttime snuggling and nursing. She's usually fast asleep when DH and I go to bed so we have a good hour or two of adult time before she wakes for her first nursing session. DH is usually asleep by then. I feel the schedule and arrangement is working, but he's telling me its not.
For one thing, its nice to be able to nurse her while she's not completely awake. That means she goes right back to sleep and there is little disruption involved. Right now because she is so close, I wake up a few seconds before she does and one or two whimpers and its over with. I'm afraid that if she were in her own room, she would have to wake up more, and make more noise, to get my attention and bring me to her. Then I imagine we would nurse in the rocking chair and I'd have to get her back to sleep and put back down. All I'm seeing right now is more work for me.
Another thing is that, as I said before, she's a pretty secure little girl. I don't want to ruin that. I feel she is as secure as she is because of the attachment parenting. I don't want to undo everything we've worked for so far by making the transition too early. We decided against our dream vacation in order to do whats best for her. I almost feel that this situation falls under the same category.
DH is suffering from new dad syndrome. I'm not completely his anymore. Most of the time, when we go to bed, I'm so exhausted from my 18 hour day that I just want to fall asleep. He sleeps through the entire night; Birdie and I do not. Regardless of the fact that we don't do alot of work at night, I'm still losing rest. I'm only running on about 70% on any given day. That will change as time goes on but for now, she's still little and its going to be this way for awhile. DH is usually on board with anything I want to do, but I don't want him to resent our nighttime situation. One of his reasons for wanting the Birdie moved was that he doesn't want a two-year-old sleeping with us. He's afraid that if we don't transition while she's little, then we'll never get her out of our bed.
I'm not sure what to do. Moving Birdie would definitely create more work for me and I would be losing more sleep. I've asked him to give me a week to decide. For now I need input. How old were your LO's before you moved them to their own room? How did you help your other half get over new dad syndrome? What worked for you?